Planting with Tears

I am glad that it has remained chilly . . . because it seems that I am left to plant and tend to my new little orchard by myself. I am taking my time, getting all the poms planted . . . and the apples . . . and the plums, peaches and nectarines. It’s good therapy . . . working in the dirt . . . and a good place to scream at the ‘Universe’ or a missing husband . . . or whatever. This started out as a very exciting and happy endeavor . . . and has become my personal nightmare. They say that time heals.
I just want him home.
Sorry to overshare. This growing fruit forum has become a little bit of a refuge . . . thanks for listening. No hand-holding required.


I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I’m glad that the orchard is a refuge for grieving, healing and processing. God bless.



I am sorry to hear of your loss PomGranny. I know you said no hand holding was required, but figured I’d share a bit.

I lost my first wife a little over 7 years ago at age 45 after a 3 month cancer battle. The following spring I went about my annual tree planting and orchard maintenance tasks, but not with the gusto of previous years.

I won’t go on and on…but will say that it does get better/easier with time. Be kind to yourself.


So sorry to hear this I will leave you with my favourite quote.

“You can bury a lot of troubles, digging in the dirt.”


I am so terribly sorry.

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I too am very sorry to hear of your loss. Stay busy but take the time to grieve. It is not easy.

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Wow, sorry to hear about your husband. Well you still have us to help you. It’s been really nice having you here. Your spirit shines through your posts.


Orchards are great therapy. In theory they can go on “forever” which is quite comforting.


Sorry for your loss! My wife died last fall and tending the orchard we started together tends to be one of the places that can trigger “grief aftershocks”. Continuing on with the things we did together helps with slow process of self discovery. I am slowly learning where “she” left off and “I” began. This is a time you need to take care of yourself! It is normal to feel as if you are just one step ahead of a little black cloud of grief fallowing you around but if you get to thinking that everything is OK, stop and try to remember the last time you felt real happy or sad or anything much at all! Depression can sneak up on us as a “comfortable” numbness. Eat right, exercise, and take abundant “me time” — be a little bit selfish for your own good! God Bless!


My husband did not die. But it feels like it.
He is just ‘gone’. I wrote to Tippy AKA Mamuang:

My husband is not himself these days. I found out about a betrayal of ELEVEN years, and it is very very painful. I knew nothing. Others knew . . . and thought it best to leave me in the dark - and a fool. I miss him terribly - married 42 years. I had no clue. The man came home every night at 6pm and we never had problems . . . to my knowledge.
It’s been very very tough. And he’s not talking. Very depressed. He is seeking help . . . but I don’t have too much hope.
I guess all that lying and living two deceitful lives has finally taken its toll.
It certainly has on ME. I have good days . . . and bad days. Today was a bad one.
Thanks for your concern. Some of my trees are probably not going to make it, because I just don’t have the energy to go out and plant them.

I’ll be back when things get a bit better. Sorry to be such a ‘bummer’.
I’m just sort of lost right now.



Anyone would feel lost in your situation. In some ways what you experience may have been worse than loosing a spouse to death. After a death, one has happy memories. But what if the memories appear to be based on a lie? I have a hard time imagining what you are going through. However, you and your husband are in my prayers. I’m sure others near you have gone through something similar. Maybe there is a support group in year area who can come along side you, love you, hold you, cry with you and walk along side you in the healing process. God bless.



I PM’d you. My thoughts are with you.

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Oh my. I’m so sorry. Also praying for you.

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I too thought your husband had died.
Reading your most recent post my thoughts jumped to the “Why” question, relating to your betrayal, or the lack of honesty from your husband that your comment implied…and then the “why” he is absent and your relationship as you knew it has changed.

I then thought of the scene in the movie Ann of Green Gables where Ann confesses to taking something she did not. When Marilla finds the item, and it is obvious that Ann did not take it she asks “Why didn’t you tell the truth?” Ann responds “You wouldn’t believe the truth.”

With moral issues, one either uses their own ideas of right and wrong, or another standard. State laws might be good enough for theft, but secular laws are not always clear on more personal issues.

I had a difference with my husband many years ago, and it seemed like a big thing at the time. It completely disappeared when I asked myself, based on the knowledge I had, if God had a problem with what my husband did?

It might be good therapy, or mental exercise to try looking at his actions objectively, and if you are a believer try and get a higher perspective on his actions (What would God think) going back to the beginning of your issue.

I am sure your husband loves you, and is hurting too. I doubt his intended to hurt you and he probably doesn’t know how to “fix” things now.

Trust broken is hard to rebuild, and sometimes ends a relationship. But love can make what seems impossible, possible.

I will be praying you both weather the storm, and find peace.


So sorry for your trouble.

That was how I read your original post

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I understand. I wish i didnt. Im sorry. Truly. Its a huge hole in your life.

Do what keeps u going.


I’m sorry to hear that you had to go through this pain, as well. It is the worst pain I have ever had to bear. But, today was better . . . I started taking some action and met with a lawyer - and felt some relief in the strength that it gave me to know that the fight would not be mine, alone.
I checked on my Goldrush Apple, which I had heeled in . . . and it still seems viable. It was my most prized apple that was to be planted this year . . . and I hope that someday, with a lot of healing and forgiveness . . . that my husband and I might be together, again, picking apples from that tree with my grandkids. I still have a mustard seed of hope.


Im sending u support from over here, lady
Hug those grandkids :purple_heart: